A day at the hospital

So recently due to according what the Dr says stress about SPM , I haven't been feeling very well.
Some of yall may know that I have this problem of getting gastric/ acid stomach whenever I skip a meal, stressed out Bout something or even too exhausted.
So, it's alrdy about a month and my symptoms are still around. I'm not 100% back to myself. So, mum got me an appointment at the Hospital.
Arrived at the hospital , got my weight and height recorded. Sat down on the waiting lounge and mum went back to work. Was there for quite sometime and people of all ages started walking in. Bt mostly elderlies. I felt so uncomfortable. I scanned the room and saw an elderly guy standing. So I decided to do what's right and gave him my seat. He kindly refused and smiled bt I insisted that he sit and I went to a corner took out my book and read.
Waited for God knows how long and during that duration, I observed the elderlies there. Thought to myself, it's such a pity. That they have to wait for their turn and it's taking such a long time! They were old, they were much sicker than I was, some were on wheelchairs and on drips. Some had to stand and wait. I mean I get tired standing , what more the older ones ? And the lovely young lads there wouldn't even give up their seats. Talk about where their moral values went to ? ( ps: that's why it's a waste of time teaching moral when ppl don't even give a damn to practice it!)
And the hospital?! How much does it even cost to install more chairs ? It's not like it's so expensive ?
This is absurd ! Seriously, what a shame. There's so much spaces in the waiting area and yet it's empty.
And then there's the construction of the hospital that really ticks me off!
Uneven stairway where the stairs are not of the same height and dimension. The surface area is so darn small it doesn't even fit a whole leg of mine ! Talk about service to the citizens. Talk about citizens being the first priority! Seriously ? That's serious talk cock.
How do you expect those elderlies to walk up a flight of stairs with such condition ? Open up your brains people ! This is common sense!
I remember one incident where a close uncle of mine was admitted to the hospital. He had surgery on his spine. I went to visit him one day and brought him home cooked food. I was wondering why! Don't the hospital provide food for their patients? When I went there I saw what the hospital gave him. A FREAKIN BURGER! A burger ? Two pieces of nuggets with a blob of ketchup ,blanket with lettuce and sandwiched with two buns. You're kidding me right? Giving that thing to an elderly who just had a spine surgery and in excruciating pain. You give a bloody burger to him? What the hell are u trying to do ? Kill him?
I know I'm ranting and ranting about all these things and some might think, girl chillax and stop talking crap.
But sorry, im the kind of person who cares about the elderly. They're the ones who need proper care and service.
And it's the government and the younger people to make sure they get a life that's as comfortable as possible. Because they were the generation who helped buid this country into the country it is today where the younger generation can live in !
So yea, that's my thought on the hospital. Pathetic , I hope it changed. Seriously. But I doubt it will.

Youve got to find what you love

So I just read this article by Steve Job. CEO of Apple and Pixar animation studios.
I have to say, this guy really is inspiring.
Steve Job was adopted when he was just a baby . He wentto college but dropped out because his parents savings were not enough to pay for his tuition fees. But after dropping put, he could take classes that interested him rather than sitting for classes that didn't mean anything to him. So he took a calligraphy class and felt intrigued by it. He found out that it was an intriguing art that science can't capture. However he never knew that what he learned in calligraphy class would be applied later on in his life. And it did ! 10 years later when he was designing the Macintosh. It was the first computer that had beautiful typography and proportional spaced fonts. If he never had dropped out of college , he would never have taken this calligraphy course. And Mac would nevehve had these beautiful typography and Windows who copied Mac would never have had them.
Steve job started apple at his parents garage. In 10years, Apple grew to a company worth$2 billion and with over 4,000 employees. And by that tome he was just 30 years old. However, there was some disagreements between partners and himself. Which led to him getting fired. However, he did not give up. Instead he ventured into Establishing a company ie. Pixar animations and NeXT. which led to the creation of the worlds first animated feature film. Toy story. At the end, apple bought over NeXT and he returned to apple.
Steve quoted:
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from apple. It was an awful tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life , and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you hhehe found it yet. Keep looking . Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship. It just gets better as the years roll on. Keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Steve job was diagnoses with pancreatic cancer. He was expected to live no longer than 6 months. His cancer was incurable . But after a biopsy test, doctors found out that his form of cancer was curable with surgery. He had the surgery and he is fine now.

He the said:
Your time is limited , so don't waste it living someones elses life. don't be trapped in dogma. which is living with the results of other peoples thinking. Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become . Everything else is secondary.

All I have to say after reading this is just that this guy truly is inspiring. And what he says is spot on. I always wonder why am I learning subjects that have no use to me . And that I'm not interested in. I find it a waste of my time. But, of course I cant do anything about it.
As for me, I have many interest: and sometimes it
Overpowers my thinking. And I don't know what I want or where I'm going.
I just hope that I can find what I really am truly passionate about.

Cheers~
Get well soon to Steve job. Legend
Apple won't be the same without you.

The day finally came

The next morning. Chelsea match day. I was super anxious and excited as well. Anyway, in the morning we went out for a late breakfast. And, see I have this problem that I cannot not eat. Cause if I dont eat, i'll get acidic stomach due to my high metabolism rate. Yea, so. I was pretty hungry the night before which led to me having acid stomach the next day. Which is not fun at all, I was pretty upset because it hurt a lot. And i was afraid that it would prevent me from going to the Chelsea match. I quickly got some medicine for my stomach. My dad and I went back to my aunts home to rest for a while before my uncle came.

Around 5 I put on my Chelsea jersey and we went to the

train station and got tickets. Who would've thought that the train service there is so crappy that the train got cancelled 3 flipping times. We waited for more than half an

hour and the train finally came. To my utmost horror, the train was PACKED ! Filled with workers and there was literally no space, people were trying to push themselves in but they couldn't. Im serious, you just could not get in! Whats worse is that they only have 3 carriages !

Yea, so we decided Forget it ! There's no way I'm

gonn

a wait for another hour for the stupid train. It was

already 6pm. And i planned to reach there at 6. That was a crazy moment for me. I was really pissed off and I felt like firing cursing words at people. But my dad and uncle was around so. I cursed in twitter. Sorry tweeps. = / I was really upset.

Yea, so my uncle called my aunt and she picked us up. And on the way to Bukit Jalil. As you know It was after office hours plus people were

heading to Bukit Jalil stadium as well. So, the massive jam obstructed us. And we were stuck in t

he jam for almost more than an hour before we got to the stadium.

At the stadium, we went to the gate and then another obstacle. The freaking police wouldn't allow us to bring our food in. We brought Subway sandwiches there. Uneaten, fresh tasty. I haven't had my dinner. Totally ridiculous. We had

to dump everything even my water. Like WTF ?! Any

way, we got in. And thank God the seat i wanted wasn't full. So we got the seats. Sat down, chelsea players came out for a warm up. Th

e crowd went wild ! First person i spotted? TORRE

S. OMG TORRES ! SCREAMMMMMMMMMMM! And then after that they went back in for the line up thingy.

Before they came out, these group of people came out dressed stupidly with armors and stuff and marched across to the center. They looked pretty dumb. =.=

Anyway, after the line up and pictures. The match BEGAN!

The crowd was pretty cool, the atmosphere was great, Whats funny is that almost everyone was wearing chelsea jerseys. But, when Malaysia took possession of the ball. They all started cheering for Malaysia. (Except for me) Owh, and the

noise. Insanity, they got the horns and there was these tw

o guys sitting in front of me. They kept pushing the horns. It was so noisy. And the

y smoked too. =.=

Anyway I was pretty much just 50 meter

s away fro

m Torres. Cause he was the striker so he pretty much stayed at the same place where im sitting at. =D My eyes were on him the whole time.

Oh, and there was this shot where he wanted to do a header. But it failed, anyway. That was so cool, cause it was almost like a slow mo when he flipp

ed his head forward. SEXAY.=D

So yea, Chelsea had possession of the ball most of the time. BUT ! They couldn't get in a goal. Frustrating !

Owh and there was this time when the ball went ac

ross to the chelsea goal keeper side.and it was open and there was this malaysia player running to

wards it. And he was so close to it, out of no where

i see this chelsea player sprint from the middle of the flipping stadium across the other side and caught up with the ball before the mal

aysian player could even touch the ball ! BIG APPLAUSE! that guy could be an Olympic runn

er.BEST !

So 1st halve done. Came second halve and Torres wa

sn't playing anymore. Sad =(

The match continued on and for some reason many p

eople hated John Terry cause when he got the ball everyone booed at him. LOL ! yea so,Chelsea still couldn't score. till the last 15 mins when Drogba had a free kick and they said the g

oal wasn't supposed to be a goal. WHATEVS man, as long as its not a 0-0 match. Im happy. =) After the goal, we went off to beat the crowd. cause 85,

000 people. Going out would be a hustle.

So we went out and walked and walked and walked to the train station. STupid thing was, we missed the bukit jalil train station and ended up at the station after bukit jalil. =.= IDIOTS ! well, aCtly. N0T US...the transportation system is stu

pid. There weren't any sign boards indicating where

to go! yea so, we sat on the train and the

train was empty. There were only 3 of us in the tra

in.

And when the train got to Bukit Jalil station. OMG! A wave of people flooded in to the train. Crammed like sardines. The smell, HORRIBLE ! And thousands more were piling out from the stadium. Insanity. We got off at our destination and went for dinner at around 12am. I ate DOUBLE CHEESE BURGER for dinner. How unheal

thy, because of the stupid police who took away my steak sandwich. F YOU ! ass. =(

Yea, so...the day ended. Took a refreshing bath. And slept with a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC SMILE ON MY FACE !

For some reasons, i think im gonna get in trouble

for

skipping exams. But, come what may. There are times when you have to choose betwe

en two things and have to sacrifice something else in order to reach another. And I think sacrificing mt exams for this is worth it. An opportunity of a lifetime at my doorstep. For me to pass it by would be stupid. So, if i get into trouble by my teachers or whoever. Just know that, I dont regret it. Never will. Kay Thx Bye.

Thank God Chelsea won ! HAHA ! Drogba rules. Even though his free kick might not be a goal. weeee.

Free trainning passes not used =(

Owh, met Nicol David the next day. CIMB bank Malaysia open. Finals today. But couldn't watch. cause im back in KK =(

A dream to reality

So as some of you may know that I went to Kuala Lumpur to witness Chelsea against Malaysia team. It has been a dream to watch not only one of the biggest football teams in the world but also to watch Fernando Torres aka El Nino real life. Maybe some of you know that I LOVE Torres and it was one of my dreams to see him.Well, anyway here goes the whole process of how i got

my dream into reality. Warning: It'll be quite long so bear with me please =)

It all started one fine morning while going to school. Hitz.fm was having a commercial break when they started to announce that Arsenal, Liver

pool and Chelsea would be coming to KL. When I heard it, first thought that came into my mind was "TORRES". Second thing was, KL is so close to where I live! So, the whole day in school i was anxious to get back home and check it out and I did right after i got home.

Looking through the internet, i found the date and time and place and all the details. But what crushed me was that the date they were playing

was the day I was having my

SPM Trials 1. It is considered a very imporatnt exam where you get your forecast results to get into college or what not. Yea, so. I was pretty bummed when i saw it. (I

CRIED) yea, i did. This shows how i really wanted to go so badly.

Anyway, my mum got home and I told my mum about it. And she was like, Oh , you should go ! I was in a dilemma. My sister and some friends encouraged me to go. So, the following night. I checked on flight tickets and found a very cheap fare from air asia for just RM58 two way from KK to KL. And the match tickets were only rm 58 for the free sitting.

After much thought, I decided I just couldnt miss this opportunity and so I asked my dad if he could accompany me and he said yes. =) Thx DAD !

So, we booked the flight and my aunt helped to get the tickets from KL. Just so you know, this was like 1 month before the match it

self. So, it was pretty much arranged very early. They started selling the tickets only on the 30th of May. My aunt got the tickets and guess what came with it. FREE TRAINING PASSES TO WATCH THE

M TRAIN! too bad we booked the flight way earlier than when we got the tickets. So, we missed the training =(

Finally after much waiting, the day finally arrived for me to leave to KL. YAY ! Skipped school and exams and went to KL. Got there and did some shopping at sunway. GOT MY VANS !

Funny thing is I went to the girls section and they only had black and red colored shoes. boo. i was like, NO! and the smallest size is 6 ! =.= I have unusual small feet. So the guy told me, Mybe i should try the kids shoe. I was like im 1

7

okay. Anyway, i went to kids section and they had many different colors and patterns. I fell in love with one pattern and they said the large

st size was 4. I tried it on and walaaaa! It fitted perfectly ! Yeeepeee. So i bought it for only RM 98. cheap eh, thumbs up for small feet people

. =D I got some clothes from Forever 21. MEGA SALE ! HAPPY DAYS.

So the main reason why I got crayons and a coloring book. Is because they came with the shoes. Kids shoes. Geddit ?

Hey, its not the end of the world

So, I admit that I'm a frequent user of facebook and twitter. Have u ever had friends posting ridiculous status on the web touching on the issue of relationships. Seriously, I've never been in a relationship because being someone on the outside looking at how ppls messed up life just because of relationships gone sour. Not very appealing. To me anyways. Yea, so. Gosh, how many times have u seen, I love him/her so much. I can't live without him/her. -.- like seriously? And when they get into a fight ? I hate you. You dont mean anything to me you bastard! Etc etc. And imma be like .. Dude didn't u like say I love you like yesterday and all those lovey dovey bull ? Well, obviously you don't know what love is. And may I ask, how old are you ? Dude, your like.. 16 17 18 19 .. U know what love is ? Even some married ppl find it hard to love their spouses. And you do ? Okay, in bt being judgemental and stuff. But seriously; don't waste your young age, being sad and dissapointed with relationships that didn't work out. Why can't you just try and appreciate the people who love and care about you most ? What can beat that love ? You got to use your brain to think , life does not revolve around having relationships. Being so young, and having a relationship can be destructive bot only to you but to the people you care abt too. I've been there, I was dragged into a messed up relationship and what became of it ? I lost a friend, a dear friend . A friendship I valued the most. All gone, because of some people who was to blinded by infatuation. Not only does it hurt you, it hurts the ppl around u as well. Sometimes even worst. So . Yeah, wondering why I'm nt in a relationship. Because I don't see the need to go trough unneeded troubles. Got enough to worry about . Let me just end with saying, it's not the end of the world. Enjoy life, appreciate the ones who truly love you the most.

Grandparents

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, clear blue interminable skies, flocks of birds chirping unceasingly on the nearby willow tree. An eastern gray squirrel scuttled past and up a pine tree away from a group of boisterous kids running around enjoying the afternoon sun. Laughter and squeals rang through the entire park, it was a blithe moment.

I sat on a dainty laced picnic cloth I bought from India a couple of years back and stole in a large breath as I inhaled deeply. Tranquility and serenity stirred the inner corners of my heart. As I surveyed the vast green field, my eyes stopped upon two elderly couples. They were sauntering hand in hand, eyes glistening and laughing at silly jokes fired at each other. They stopped walking as he turned and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. Her cheeks flushed a bright pink hue and she put her arms around him. Looking at this sight I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of longing and jealousy. However, I quickly pushed the thought away and continued on looking at them as they slowly made their way towards me.

‘Hey ! Had a wonderful walk ?’ I asked my grandparents as they came and sat on the opposite side of the mat. ‘ Yes we sure did and almost got knocked over by a kid on his bike !’ My grandfather chuckled as he wiped rivulets of sweat on his forehead with his sleeves. ‘ Joel Lawson ! What are handkerchiefs made for ?’ My grandmother asked appalled. My grandfather just shrugged as he sank his teeth into a large piece of ham sandwich my grandmother made. It was his favorite and he savored every piece of it. I loved how my grandmother knew every single detail of my grandfather and the way my grandfather could always light up a smile on her face whenever he’s around. No words could ever define how vast their love for each other was and I am glad to be able to share that love with them every day.

I was orphaned at the age of six when a drunk driver took the lives of my parents. My grandparents took me in and raised me up into the person I am today. My grandparents showed me unconditional love and support through their actions and wisdom. Every night they would come into my room and tuck me in. But before that, we would always join our hands to pray. My grandparents were strong believers in their faith and they taught me who God was and the power of prayer. ‘God is the reason why you are alive today my dear, don’t ever forget that.’ My grandfather would always say to me when I was a child. And I’ve never let those words slip my mind.

My grandfather was a man of little words but of actions. ‘Some people can talk great sense, but when it comes to action, they are nowhere to be seen.’ My grandfather always stressed on this. ‘Actions speak louder than words.’ He would always tell me. My grandfather was a commander in the 2nd Infantry Division when he served for Britain during World War II. Back when I was a child, I remember my grandfather sitting on his rattan rocking chair where he would be smoking his captain's classic pipe tobacco and he would always tell me stories during the war. My grandfather was like a walking history text book. After every story he told, there was bound to be a moral lesson to be learnt.

At the age of 84, my grandfather was still up and about doing activities a young adolescent would be doing. He was never the type of person who would sit on a couch staring at the television and sulking over his old age. Instead, he spends most of his afternoons taking hikes and fishing. My grandfather was a prowess in fishing; he knew every little details of fishing. He knew what bait to use to catch which fish. I enjoyed the times I spent with him during out little fishing trips. After every fishing trips, we would go back home with buckets full of fish. And we would have a little barbeque at our backyard where we would invite our friends to come over. It was a priceless time, and a memory that I would always keep.

My grandmother was the sweetest person you could ever meet. Her sweet smile could warm you up in an instant. Though her physical look bears the sign of ageing; but with her ever present laughter and incredible humor, the radiance of her expression still signifies her younger days. ‘Life will never be easy my child. But you must always remember that nothing is too big for God to handle. Whenever life gives you lemons, bring that lemon to God and he will give you a nice glass of the finest ice lemonade drink you will ever taste.’ My grandmother would always say to me whenever I had a bad day.

My grandmother was a great cook. The kitchen was her usual hangout place. Whenever my grandmother cooks, an aroma of mouth watering scent would fill up every rooms of the house and would send your tummies into an orchestra of drum rolls. Even though there was only three person living in the house. My grandmother would cook a table full of delicious cuisine fit for a king. After every dinner, we would be too full to even move. Then, we would talk about our day and share our opinions with each other. There was never a time in the Lawson’s home that you would not hear any laughter or conversations.

As a gust of warm summer wind blew past, the swishing sound of tree leaves echoed across the valley. I gazed at my grandparents and thank God for giving me such loving people in my life. They were the ones who taught me how to live life in a way with no regrets. They were the people who taught me what love was. They are my motivation to go through life each day. And I pray that one day; I would have a life like my grandparents had.

No sense of direction

Hey to the person who's reading this,

wondering whats up with the picture up there ?

Well, its the situation im currently facing. See, its my last year as a senior and

after this year i'll be going off for A lvls or maybe not ? Im

seriously not sure of anything right now.

And, now im even doubtful whether i should stick on studying science because I don't think im

a science person.

But, if I drop all the science subject, I have to go in economics and

I have no clue whatsoever in Econ.

So, im at this crossroad looking up at signs but theres too many that I don't even know

which way is the right way !

I never thought i'd get to this situation.

I guess its inevitable you know ?

So, life's going by in such a blur.

Before I could even grasp hold of time, its already June.

5 more months to SPM, also known as The Exam that determines your future.

I haven't even studied for it yet. And, im stressing out right now.

But, when its time to study I get distracted easily.

I fidget around and end up wasting 2 hrs just like that.

And now my mum wants me to study foundation in KL cause its too expensive to study abroad

, but i freaking dont want to stay another year here. I wanna leave ! Why is

it so hard for me to leave here ?

So this is what im going through right now.

Im tired....

Im lost....

Im confused....

I know I should trust God, I know he has a plan for me.

But, right now I just dont see any where im supposed to go.

Could there be just a sign, one sign to just point me to where and what I should do.

Its all that i need right now.

Hope

Back when I was a child, before life took away all my innocence. I had a happy and jubilant life. I had a life many other kids would wish upon a star to have. A loving father and mother, a life where I got everything I wanted whenever I asked for it.

I remember that there wasn’t a day that would go by where my house would not be filled with sounds of laughter. There was a piano right below the stairs where my father would show off his skills and my mother and I would cheer him on. There were times when we made up ludicrous lyrics when my father played and it would send us all in fits of laughter. My father would take my mother’s arms and wrap them around his waist as both of them sway into the night. I would then slowly and silently leave them to indulge in their own world.

Life seemed pretty awesome from my point of view. Until one day, it was a late sweltering afternoon and I just got home from soccer practice. I walked into the house where a familiar scent of baked lasagna was filling up every corners of the 5 bedroom house. My tummy grumbled giving me a hint that I was famished. Before I took a step I heard the sound of glass shattering onto the wooden oak floor. The jarring sound stopped me in my tracks, then I heard my parents muffled yells coming from their bedroom. My heart palpitation tripled as I heard them fought their way from the room towards the hallway where I was standing. I stood rooted to the ground as my parents came towards the hallway and at the sight of me they stopped quarrelling. My mother’s eyes were swollen and she had a tear stained streak on her face. My dad stomped past me and out the house. I heard the slamming of his Toyota SUV door and the sound of the engine slowly fading away.

“Foods on the table dear go ahead without me”. My mother croaked as she headed towards her bedroom. I lumbered towards the kitchen and felt my appetite slowly being replaced by an irrationally feeling of fear. I’ve never seen my parents fought this way before and scenes of a broken family slowly made its way into my mind. I shook my head trying to get those images out of my mind and reassured myself that God would never allow that to happen.

The next morning came, I felt restless as I jumped out of bed. I hadn’t had a goodnight sleep and I found myself tossing and turning on my bed. As I made my way across the hallway, I stopped when I saw a figure in my parents’ bedroom. Looking through the crack of the door I saw my dad slumped shoulders stuffing his luggage with his clothes and belongings. I let out a silent gasp and covered my mouth with my hands as tears coursed slowly down my face. The door opened and my dad was gobsmacked when he saw me but the surprised look vanished as quickly as it came and he walked past me towards the garage. Like a little lost puppy, I followed behind him. “ Where….where are you going ?” I asked my dad. My dad threw his luggage into the car and stiffened a sigh. “This was what you asked for.” He said as he directed his words towards my mother. Then, my father got into the car and pulled out of the driveway.

A surge of adrenaline flowed into me and I started running after the car, down the empty lanes of the still asleep neighborhood. I ran as fast as my 12 year old legs would permit me. The car slowly faded from my sight as I fell on my knees exhausted. I hauled myself up and staggered home. The ache in my heart was unbearable and I felt like at any moment my heart would burst into tiny discreet particles.

Life after my father left was somber, it was as if a blanket of sorrow and despair had been placed over my home. My mother always woke up with dark circles around her eyes and she smelt like alcohol most of the time. Sometimes I would hear her crying in her room for hours and the crying eventually stops.

Anger and confusion was the only feeling that was left in me, I wanted to hate and I tried to hate. But however hard I try to hate, hope would always creep up and overshadow my anger. A hope that one day my father would come back to our lives and things would be back to normal. A hope that maybe one day, my mother would have the chance to dance with my father again. A hope that one day, my father would walk me down the aisle when I was to get married. Hope was the only thing I was clinging onto to retain my sanity.

Every night when the stars are out glimmering in the sky, I would look out my window hoping and willing that I would see the familiar car drive towards the front porch and my father would step out of the car like he never left. I would stare out into the night for hours until my eyelids were heavy and I would lie on my bed fervently praying and hoping that God would bring back my father. Then I would drift into a deep and troubled sleep.

On the day of my high school graduation, I still remembered looking at the ecstatic faces of parents as they stood by proud of their child’s achievements. That used to be me, I thought as I saw myself beaming from ear to ear as I waved my results at my parents. My father would then treat me to my favorite ice cream. Then, I snapped back into reality and knew that my father was not here to witness my graduation. However sad I was, deep down I secretly hope that he would show up and be able to see my accomplishments.

Till this day, even though 20 years has passed since the incident, the hope of a little girl to have a father by her side and to feel the warm embrace of a father would always haunt my thoughts. My father never made any contact with my mother and I, maybe it was the heap of regrets and shamefulness that was holding him back. But I hope that he would realize his mistakes and one day return to us. I hope that when that moment comes, we will be able to sit and reminisce about the happy times and forget about the past regrets and sorrow.

Heart

The sky was as blue as cobalt and not a cloud was in sight. The oak tree leaves were swaying with the rhythm of the wind and the melodies of birds and bees could be heard. Footsteps were slowly fading into the distance. I stood alone arduously fighting off tears but my mind gave in and the amalgamation of tears blurred my vision. I glanced down at the marble stone where the name of a boy who altered my perspective on life was engraved on it. His name was Sam Eden.

Sam was not an ordinary boy you would see playing on the streets or strolling down the park with a happy family. Sam was a down syndrome child and at the age of 4 his parents could no longer bear the shame of having a down syndrome child and he was placed at an orphanage. From then on, Sam was in and out of fosters home by the age of 5 and has been until he was in his teens. Sam experienced many hardships throughout his life, he was always the subject of abuse and bullying while in foster homes. It came to a point where no one wanted to care for Sam and he was left at the adoption quarters.

Sam’s life had an unexpected turn of fate when he was visited by a couple who had their eyes on him the first day they met. This couple was at their late 40’s and had a stable job. They lived at a ranch with a 5 bedroom cottage and felt that it was a waste to have such a big space and yet with no soul occupying it. After days of contemplating, the couple finally made the decision to become Sam’s foster parents. This kindhearted couple was my parents.

I still remember the day Sam came into my life like it was yesterday. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, the sun was peering behind two majestic gleaming mountain tops. The scent of roses stole in with every breath of air. I was strolling outside the ranch taking in the sight trying to calm my senses. I was ecstatic when my parents told me that they were going to be foster parents to a boy, but they did not give me any further details. The crunching sounds of tires on the stone pathway stopped me in my tracks as I turned to see my parents pulling in the driveway. I squinted my eyes at the boy in the car who seemed somewhat confused and as he got out the car, I couldn’t help but feel a curious and inexplicable uneasiness in me. The boy shuffled his feet towards the house and his head was turning from side to side. At that moment, I knew for certain and without a doubt this boy was not a normal boy.

The day Sam came into my life, was the moment my life took a drastic turn. I became the joke of the year where I would be called names like ‘Nanny Sammy’. Because of this, I loathed and detested Sam. To regain my status and name, I would always join in with the crowd when they pulled jokes on Sam. The bullying was of many ranges from calling him names to slamming is food trays on the floor and when he tries to pick it up, the boys would shove him backwards where he would lay sprawled on the floor in a mess. Sometimes when I was ticked off about something, I would curse and say hurtful things at Sam and all he could do was slump at a corner and hug his knees as he rocked back and forth.

One morning before school, I was having my breakfast when Sam accidently spilled milk all over the counter top and some of the spilt milk got onto my dress. Sam trembled in fear as anger brewed up inside me. My violent and mendacious tongue broke loose and I screamed at Sam, ‘You useless creep! No wonder no one wants you!’ I stormed out if the kitchen leaving Sam to soak up the words I said. Little did I know, those hurtful words that I said would be the last words I will ever say to Sam.

It all happened during lunch break at school on the very same day. I was still a bit edgy at the incident that took place back home and I started ranting about it to my best friend Tasha when suddenly out of nowhere a man dressed in worn out shirt and jeans stormed into the cafeteria. He had a gun in his hand and he started shooting around the cafeteria. Trepidation and fear bound shackled me as I found myself rooted to the ground. It was an unadulterated pandemonium as boys and girls started running frenetically trying to avoid the bullets and save themselves from the harrowing and traumatic event.

In the midst of the all the chaos, I found myself face to face with the gun men. His eyes were wild as he scanned through the cafeteria, his hair was matted and sweat was trickling down his forehead. His nostrils flared and anger was written all over his face. My blood ran cold when his eyes stopped on me and he started strutting towards my direction and his gun was pointed right at me. Before I had time to react, I was pulled backwards by a force and I saw a puny boy stepped in front of me facing the gunmen. To my utmost horror, the boy was Sam. He struggled with the gunmen for what seemed to be a few minutes when a loud “Bang!” followed by another “Bang!” echoed across the cafeteria. The world seemed to stop at that moment, as heads turned towards the gunmen and Sam. Slowly, the gunmen’s eyes wide open trembled and fell on his back, blood pools started to form underneath him.

My eyes spotted another frail body on the floor beside the gunmen. The body was covered with blood and the boy’s chest was heaving up and down. My heart sank at the sight as I crawled towards Sam. Sam looked up and smiled at me, ‘Fahhmeelee’ he whispered. His body went limp under my hands as he heaved in his last breath. A farrago of remorse, regret and hollowness crept up on me with the force like a tidal wave. I starred frantically around and screamed for help. Students gathered around Sam’s body and the paramedics arrived. They started CPR on Sam to revive him but it was too late, Sam Eden was dead.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, the paramedics attended to the wounded students. No lives were lost because of Sam’s heroism. News reporters from every news channel gathered around outside the school trying to get insights on the catastrophe that took place. After I got home that day, I went into Sam’s room. I realized it was the first time in 6 months that I’ve ever been in his bedroom. I scanned through the four walled space and my eyes lingered on a piece of white paper on the top of his desk. I took the paper in my hands and what I saw made my heart ache as if thousands of red hot iron had been poured on it. It was a drawing of a family with a house behind them. A father, mother, a girl and a smiling boy. Underneath was written “Happy”. Tears blurred my vision and my hands began to tremble. I felt as if the rooms were to cave in on me. I was ashamed of the person I had become, because of my ignorant behavior and selfish acts I acted out horridly on the boy who never felt loved in his life. With all the taunting and harsh words towards him, he still held the reason to be happy.

The next day, a funeral was held in memory of Sam. During the funeral, I gathered up my guts to present a speech. Standing in front of the many attendees of the funeral, I poured out all the sadness and regret that had welled up in me. ‘Sam was not an ordinary boy, no. It wasn’t because of his down syndrome that made him different from the rest of us. He had something many of us don’t have. It was the gratefulness towards life.’ I said. ‘Even with his defect, he knew how to love and cherish the people around him. He knew how to forgive and forget the past mistakes of other people. I was a mean person towards Sam; I said many horrid and hateful things towards Sam that I wish I could take back. I would give everything to be able to turn back time and I know many of us would too. But instead of dallying in maudlin regret, I learnt from Sam to take every day as a life lesson and to never repeat the same mistakes ever again.’

It took a life to be sacrificed for me to wake up from my judgmental attitude. If it wasn’t for Sam, I would still be the person I was before. As the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. Many of us can talk the talk, but never walk the talk. It’s easy to be judgmental towards others who are different than us, but we have to remember that every living soul on earth comes from God. And when we judge others, we also judge God. It took a boy’s great love in his heart for me to realize this.